Category: Self-improvement

Motivation – Pain vs Pleasure

Have you ever wondered what motivates you to change? What is that internal or maybe external force that gets you to either do something meaningful or avoid doing it?

What if I tell you that ultimately the controlling force in everything we do or not do is driven by our desire to avoid pain and gain pleasure.

And what if I tell you that the motivation to avoid pain is often stronger than the will to gain pleasure. This happens when pain associated with taking action is “perceived” to be bigger or more than the relief and pleasure it can bring by just doing it.

MotivationThere are many real life examples to illustrate this point e.g. have you ever needed to go to the doctor, dentist or have surgery and postponed going until the pain was unbearable and you had no choice but go and then getting the relief you wanted. Feeling so much better and wondering why you did not just go in the first place. Or maybe you are just avoiding completing a task due to the fear of being judged when it is done. Or maybe you are just not taking action e.g asking sombebody on a date, your boss for a raise or contacting a prospective client because of the “perceived” pain that you might be rejected. It is amazing how creative people sometimes can become in avoiding what can possibly bring them great success.

This is the one side of pain that takes you away from what you really want, however there is also another side to avoiding pain that sparks you into action.

What if I tell you that your avoidance to pain can also be used to your advantage. How often in life do see people that have suffered greatly, get up and overcome the pain to have success. Sport is a great example when you have an individual crying at the loss of an important game only to make a decision to never experience the pain of defeat. The avoidance from pain in this situation is the spark to take action to train harder to have more success.Motivation to move

Getting what you want is not without pain, pain is how you get there.

Ask yourself – “how not changing your behavior will be more painful than changing it”

How can you use this to your advantage? That’s right how can you use pain and pleasure instead of letting pain and pleasure use you!


5 Steps to help you TAKE ACTION for success.


  1. List 1 to 3 actions you know you should take now, that for some reason you have not done.
  2. Ask yourself, what is the pain you have associated with these actions that has kept you from following through
  3. List any pleasures you were able to get from not following through on these four actions.
  4. Describe in short what it will cost you if you don’t follow through. What will you miss out on? What will you lose?
  5. Lastly asked yourself: What are all the benefits you’ll gain by taking action now? How will it enhance your life?





Anxiety treatment for better tomorrow

Anxiety is something that exists in everyday life and in certain instances can be helpful, but sometimes when unchecked it can also be really debilitating. Although we need some anxiety to keep us alert it can affect our lives in many negative ways and when anxiety spirals out of control it can be overwhelming, mentally and physically. When this happens it may be time to reflect and seek help.

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8 Ways to improve your Self-Esteem

How thinking about yourself differently can change the way you feel about yourself.

Self Esteem 12-10-16 crop350Self-Esteem is central to our survival. It is the basis of our well-being. Entire books have been written on the subject and many definitions have been formulated to capture the essence of what self-esteem is.

Self-esteem reflects a person’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self.

Self-esteem is a state of mind. It is the way you feel and think about yourself and others, and is measured by the way you act. – Connie Paladino

Self-esteem is a confidence in our ability to think, to cope with the basic challenges of life and confidence in our right to be successful and happy. – Nathaniel Branden

The way we judge ourselves and perceive how others look at us has a huge influence on our self-esteem and you may not even be aware of how debilitating this may be.

Signs of low Self-Esteem

There are many signs of low self-esteem and shame is high on the list. Shame hurts our self-image and our belief that we can change things we don’t like about ourselves or our situation.

Other signs that can indicate low self-esteem could be feelings of pessimism, anxiety, over-exaggeration by making things seem more troublesome than what they are, perfectionism, blaming others or putting other people down, jealousy, sensitivity to criticism, hostility, lack of boundaries and allowing others to use you, codependency, self-neglect, eating disorders, depression, social withdrawal, physical signs that can range from fatigue to insomnia and headaches. These are some of the signs that can easily be noticed and as parents, teachers, brother, sisters and friends we can support those around us by becoming more aware of this in them and ourselves.

The need for positive self esteem and identity is common to all of us. We need to feel accepted, confident, worthy, and self-reliant. Ethel S Person, MD

8 Ways to improve your Self-Esteem

Become mindful of your inner voice

Your thoughts are powerful forces and how you talk to yourself influences how you feel about yourself. Ask yourself how your current way of thinking is helping youFear of Failure - 8 Ways to improve your Self-Esteem, then start to delete the negative thoughts and replace them with more suitable thoughts. Test these thoughts by the feelings they activate in your body. Remember you feel your thoughts and by changing your thoughts you can create better feelings.

Become aware of how you view failure

Successful people love learning, value effort and persist in the face of obstacles. Do not be held back by trying to be perfect or by fear of not being perfect. Aim for effort rather than perfection and remember successful people are not inhibited by their fear of failure, they embrace it and are motivated by it.

Change the meaning you give it.

Whatever you look at, listen to, touch, smell or even taste will have the meaning you give it. It is only when you start to evaluate how you create the way you look at and experience the world around you that you can start to make the beneficial changes you need

8 Ways to improve your Self-EsteemFocus on yourself

That’s right… Focus on your own well-being and stop trying to please others, they are probably on their own mission anyhow. Let go of who you think others want you to be and be who you are – Only you can live your life and be happy in it. Start asking yourself what makes you happy and do more of that.


Connect with your family, friends, mentor or anybody you can trust and talk to them about how you feel. This can give you a different perspective and by just talking about it with somebody that understands can make you feel better.

Give someone a hug

When you hug somebody you can elevate your mood and happiness, reduce stress, lower blood pressure, strengthen your immune system, boosts self-esteem and much more.

Be active

Exercise! Being active and keeping fit can help you to feel better, relieve stress and also make you healthier. Join a club or group of friends, because being part of a group or team can also boost your confidence and sense of belonging.Peaceful - 8 Ways to improve your Self-Esteem

Time for quiet inner reflection

When you find a quiet place and time to reflect inwardly you can connect to your inner wisdom, gain inner peace, increase your self-awareness, become calmer, find inspiration and rejuvenate your body and mind.


About the Author:

Bennie Louw Hypnotherapy and NLP Life Coach

Bennie Louw BA.Hons (Univ of Stell), Certified Hypnotherapist,  NLP, HNLP Practitioner/Coach and Certified Parts Therapy Facilitator.

Bennie has a passion for motivating people to breakthrough limiting beliefs. He can help you discover and get what you want in life. As a qualified NLP, HNLP Coach, practitioner and Certified Hypnotherapist he provides an opportunity for change and motivation to succeed.


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