Insights

Insightful thoughts to Inspire you Mind.

Confidence Self-improvement June 12, 2022 By Bennie Louw 0 Comments

8 Ways to improve your Self-Esteem

How thinking about yourself differently can change the way you feel about yourself.

Self-Esteem is central to our survival. It is the basis of our well-being. Entire books have been written on the subject and many definitions have been formulated to capture the essence of what self-esteem is.

Self-esteem reflects a person’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self.

Self-esteem is a state of mind. It is the way you feel and think about yourself and others, and is measured by the way you act. – Connie Paladino

Self-esteem is a confidence in our ability to think, to cope with the basic challenges of life and confidence in our right to be successful and happy. – Nathaniel Branden

The way we judge ourselves and perceive how others look at us has a huge influence on our self-esteem and you may not even be aware of how debilitating this may be.

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Signs of low Self-Esteem

There are many signs of low self-esteem and shame is high on the list. Shame hurts our self-image and our belief that we can change things we don’t like about ourselves or our situation.

Other signs that can indicate low self-esteem could be feelings of pessimism, anxiety, over-exaggeration by making things seem more troublesome than what they are, perfectionism, blaming others or putting other people down, jealousy, sensitivity to criticism, hostility, lack of boundaries and allowing others to use you, codependency, self-neglect, eating disorders, depression, social withdrawal, physical signs that can range from fatigue to insomnia and headaches. These are some of the signs that can easily be noticed and as parents, teachers, brother, sisters and friends we can support those around us by becoming more aware of this in them and ourselves.

The need for positive self esteem and identity is common to all of us. We need to feel accepted, confident, worthy, and self-reliant. Ethel S Person, MD

8 Ways to improve your Self-Esteem

Become mindful of your inner voice

Your thoughts are powerful forces and how you talk to yourself influences how you feel about yourself. Ask yourself how your current way of thinking is helping you, then start to delete the negative thoughts and replace them with more suitable thoughts. Test these thoughts by the feelings they activate in your body. Remember you feel your thoughts and by changing your thoughts you can create better feelings.

Become aware of how you view failure

Successful people love learning, value effort and persist in the face of obstacles. Do not be held back by trying to be perfect or by fear of not being perfect. Aim for effort rather than perfection and remember successful people are not inhibited by their fear of failure, they embrace it and are motivated by it.

Change the meaning you give it.

Whatever you look at, listen to, touch, smell or even taste will have the meaning you give it. It is only when you start to evaluate how you create the way you look at and experience the world around you that you can start to make the beneficial changes you need

Focus on yourself

That’s right… Focus on your own well-being and stop trying to please others, they are probably on their own mission anyhow. Let go of who you think others want you to be and be who you are – Only you can live your life and be happy in it. Start asking yourself what makes you happy and do more of that.

Connect

Connect with your family, friends, mentor or anybody you can trust and talk to them about how you feel. This can give you a different perspective and by just talking about it with somebody that understands can make you feel better.

Give someone a hug

When you hug somebody you can elevate your mood and happiness, reduce stress, lower blood pressure, strengthen your immune system, boosts self-esteem and much more.

Be active

Exercise! Being active and keeping fit can help you to feel better, relieve stress and also make you healthier. Join a club or group of friends, because being part of a group or team can also boost your confidence and sense of belonging.

Time for quiet inner reflection

When you find a quiet place and time to reflect inwardly you can connect to your inner wisdom, gain inner peace, increase your self-awareness, become calmer, find inspiration and rejuvenate your body and mind.

About the Author:

Bennie Louw BA.Hons (Univ of Stell), Certified Hypnotherapist, NLP, HNLP Practitioner/Coach and Certified Parts Therapy Facilitator and Change Practitioner.

Bennie has a passion for motivating people to breakthrough limiting beliefs. He can help you discover and get what you want in life. As a qualified NLP, HNLP Coach, practitioner and Certified Hypnotherapist he provides an opportunity for change and motivation to succeed.

Depression Self-improvement September 16, 2018 By Bennie Louw 0 Comments

Motivation – Pain vs Pleasure

Have you ever wondered what motivates you to change? What is that internal or maybe external force that gets you to either do something meaningful or avoid doing it?

What if I tell you that ultimately the controlling force in everything we do or not do is driven by our desire to avoid pain and gain pleasure.

And what if I tell you that the motivation to avoid pain is often stronger than the will to gain pleasure. This happens when pain associated with taking action is “perceived” to be bigger or more than the relief and pleasure it can bring by just doing it.

There are many real life examples to illustrate this point e.g. have you ever needed to go to the doctor, dentist or have surgery and postponed going until the pain was unbearable and you had no choice but go and then getting the relief you wanted. Feeling so much better and wondering why you did not just go in the first place. Or maybe you are just avoiding completing a task due to the fear of being judged when it is done. Or maybe you are just not taking action e.g asking sombebody on a date, your boss for a raise or contacting a prospective client because of the “perceived” pain that you might be rejected. It is amazing how creative people sometimes can become in avoiding what can possibly bring them great success.

This is the one side of pain that takes you away from what you really want, however there is also another side to avoiding pain that sparks you into action.

What if I tell you that your avoidance to pain can also be used to your advantage. How often in life do see people that have suffered greatly, get up and overcome the pain to have success. Sport is a great example when you have an individual crying at the loss of an important game only to make a decision to never experience the pain of defeat. The avoidance from pain in this situation is the spark to take action to train harder to have more success.

Getting what you want is not without pain, pain is how you get there.

Ask yourself – “how not changing your behavior will be more painful than changing it”

How can you use this to your advantage? That’s right how can you use pain and pleasure instead of letting pain and pleasure use you!

5 Steps to help you TAKE ACTION for success.

List 1 to 3 actions you know you should take now, that for some reason you have not done.
Ask yourself, what is the pain you have associated with these actions that has kept you from following through
List any pleasures you were able to get from not following through on these four actions.
Describe in short what it will cost you if you don’t follow through. What will you miss out on? What will you lose?
Lastly asked yourself: What are all the benefits you’ll gain by taking action now? How will it enhance your life?

TAKE ACTION!!

Anxiety Self-improvement Anxiety • Treatment August 29, 2018 By Bennie Louw 0 Comments

Anxiety treatment for better tomorrow

Anxiety is something that exists in everyday life and in certain instances can be helpful, but sometimes when unchecked it can also be really debilitating. Although we need some anxiety to keep us alert it can affect our lives in many negative ways and when anxiety spirals out of control it can be overwhelming, mentally and physically. When this happens it may be time to reflect and seek help.

Addiction Compulsive Behavior November 15, 2017 By Bennie Louw 0 Comments

You can Beat Cravings and Urges!

Have you ever wondered how you can Beat Cravings and Urges?

Trying to ignore or suppress an urge or cravings just does not work and the more you try not to think about not having that cigarette, drink or chocolate bar, the more you think about it!

Don’t we all battle with some kind of craving or urge at some time and the harder you try to avoid thinking of it or ignoring it the worse it gets. Not even distraction helps and inevitably we succumb to what we are trying to avoid. All of this creating an internal game of back and forth creating lots of internal conflict and the more you resist, the more likely the thought persist and the more likely you are giving in to the craving or urge.

There is plenty of research to show that suppressing a thought, feeling or sensation, ultimately increases it.* It is like me asking you not to think of a pink elephant. … That’s right you just can’t but think of it.

When you experience an urge or craving your brain is lead to believe that the only way to let the urge or craving go away is to give into it. Research tells us that typically urges or cravings only last for a few minutes and will pass whether you give in or not.

There is a solution and you can teach your brain that it is possible to experience an urge or craving without giving in.

Surfing the Urge

There is a method that has proven to work very well and even has the science to back it, called “Surfing the Urge”. Sarah Bowen, a research scientist in the Addictive Behaviors Research Center at the University of Washington has used this method with great success. Bowen explains that cravings and urges always pass eventually, whether or not you give in to them.

“Cravings are like waves,” “They rise up, and they fall back down. What you’re going to do is just ride through that wave.” Bowen

Bowen would tell smokers that when they felt a strong craving, they should imagine the urge as an ocean wave. Waves would build in intensity and ultimately crash and dissolve. The smokers were to picture themselves riding the wave, not fighting it but also not giving in to it. They were instructed to pay close attention to the urge to smoke, without trying to change it or get rid of it. What thoughts were going through their mind? What did the urge feel like in the body?” *

Although Bowen used the “Surfing the Urge”* technique on smokers, Kelly McGonigal* believes It is likely that this process can help all sorts of temptation and addiction, from food cravings to shopping addiction, substance abuse, and Internet porn.

4 Basic Steps in how to “Surf the Urge”

Step 1
Once you recognize that you are having a craving, find a comfortable position.
Acknowledge and accept that you are having a craving or urge and that it will last for a little while.

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf” – Jon Kabat-Zinn

Step 2
Focus on where in your body you are experiencing the craving or urge and notice the exact sensations in that area. For example, do you feel hot, cold, tingly, or numb etc

Step 3
Repeat the focusing with each part of your body that experiences the craving

Step 4
Release tension with breathing – ride out your craving, releasing tension with each breath.

Important: The purpose of this exercise is not to make the craving go away but to experience the craving in a new way.

By learning a new way to experience cravings you learn a valuable skill in overcoming them, and as you learn to experience your cravings in a mindful way, without judging and without giving in, you will find that in time the frequency and intensity with which you experience them will diminish.

About the Author:

Bennie Louw BA.Hons (Univ of Stell), Certified Hypnotherapist, NLP, HNLP Practitioner/Coach and Certified Parts Therapy Facilitator.

Sources:
* Sarah Bowen, a research scientist in the Addictive Behaviors Research Center at the University of Washington
* Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., is a health psychologist teaching at Stanford University and specializing in the mind-body connection
* Clark Ball & Pape 1991, Gold & Wegner 1995, Wegner, Schneider, Carter & White, 1987, Wegner, Schneider, Knutson & McMahon 1991, Cioffi & Holloway 1993 – https://www.mindfulness.org.au/urge-surfing
* Urge surfing is a technique attributed to the late psychologist Alan Marlatt, Ph.D., a pioneer in the field of addictions treatment.

Relationship July 17, 2017 By Bennie Louw 0 Comments

Jealousy

How do you know if your jealousy is a problem?

Ask yourself these simple questions:

Is this feeling interfering with my normal life?
Is my jealousy hurting someone I love?
Does my jealousy control me more than I control it?

If the answer is yes to any of these questions, then you may consider seeking help.

Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and frustrated feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust. Wikipedia

Depression August 11, 2016 By Bennie Louw 0 Comments

POWER of your SHADOW

Embrace the POWER of your SHADOW with hypnosis

What to do when you’re not the happiest person you know? What about when you’re depressed, fearful, jealous, greedy or angry?

The ”shadow”, a concept brought to light by Carl Jung – is the part of ourselves we don’t want to look at – qualities we deem unattractive, try to push away, overlook, sugarcoat or hide under the surface.

Hypnosis can be your gateway to discover and embrace your shadow.

How often does therapy explain how to focus on being positive. This positive focus can easily have the tendency to overlook our very real human flaws. We are encouraged to focus on the positive outcome and deny the power of the shadow and by denying the shadow we can be happier, move up and out of our current circumstance. The question is can we?

Weight Loss April 14, 2016 By Bennie Louw 0 Comments

7 Stages of Weight Loss

To successfully reduce your weight and maintain a healthy body for life is a process and will take commitment. To go through this process will take you through 7 psychological stages as described by Irene Keller.

Denial. When you gain weight it happens over time.
When I was gaining weight I was in denial about it. I’d wear stretchy clothes, avoid the scale, avoid photographs, etc… all in an effort to deny the problem.
The first stage of losing weight for good is coming out of “fat” denial.
The Decision. Once you realise there is a problem, whether it be 3 kg or 50 kg, there is a period of time that you will go through where you are deciding to do something. During this phase according to Keller people were coming to terms with their weight and will start researching different weight loss methods and will be getting ready to change.
Action. This is the weight reduction phase. After choosing a weight loss method you can start to reduce weight and attain your goals.
” An analysis of five weight loss studies reported in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology in 1996 showed that the “…weight loss reported in the five studies indicates that hypnosis can more than double the effects” of traditional weight loss approaches.” ~University of Connecticut, Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology in 1996 (Vol. 64, No. 3, pgs 517-519)
The Plateau. Although some people never experience a time where weight loss either slows, or stops, most people do go through this phase. This can also be a resting phase to regroup ans start from a new level to attain even greater goals.
Getting to Goal. Though it seems like reaching your goal weight would be the end, it isn’t. At this point it becomes important to dig deep and look at what is beyond the goal.
Learning to Stay There.
“All the behaviors that got me to my goal need to continue or my weight starts to creep up.”
This is a Life Long Journey. The reason many people regain weight is that they don’t expect it to be so much work to keep it off long term. Weight maintenance is the same as the action phase of weight reduction, it’s just smaller amounts of weight.

Knowing this can be helpful to understand that you can reduce weight and keep it off.

It’s a process.

*Legal Disclaimer

Life Coaching April 14, 2016 By Bennie Louw 0 Comments

Coaching with Purpose

How to STATE what you want purposefully in 5 easy steps.

In order to GET WHAT YOU WANT you need to KNOW WHAT it is that YOU WANT.

Before you can move, you first need to decide where you want to move to.

“What do you want?” – How often do we get asked this question? Everyday we get bombarded from all different direction with… “What do you want?”

How often does the “What do you want” questions create all kinds of negative feelings and emotions within us causing more frustration, anxiety and stress? Why? Because it is so much easier to state what we do not want. Making us focus even more on what we do not want and in the process creating more negative thoughts, CREATING MORE OF WHAT WE DO NOT WANT. By having positive thoughts and feeling we become much more effective in GETTING WHAT WE WANT.

That brings us BACK to something very important and that is in order to GET WHAT YOU WANT you need to know how to STATE what you want.

How you STATE what you want becomes crucial in the process of GETTING what you want.

Maybe now is a good time to look at HOW to STATE what it is that you want.

“What you want” can be anything you choose as long as it is:

Stated positively.
When you make statements containing “don’t”, “not” or “no” you are giving attention to what you do not want. Simply ask yourself what do I want. By stating what you want in this positive manner creates positive and very powerful outcomes.
Saying I do not want to be, fat, poor, loveless, lonely etc, is not well-formed. Instead use positive language. “I want to live a healthy life full of abundance and loving friendships”.
Sensory specific language.
I will see, I will hear, I will feel , I will smell, I will taste,
Use sensory specific language “I can see myself living a healthy life making me feel great about myself”
Initiated and maintained by yourself.
Be sure your outcome is initiated and maintained by you. All behaviors must be within your control. Be sure that it is initiated and maintained by you What you want is therefore something you have control over and is not dependent on someone or something else.
“I have decided to live a healthier life now”
Ecological.
Make sure your outcome fits in with your personality, overall values and belief systems by asking the following questions:
When you succeed in getting your outcome how will it affect your life and the lives of those around you?
Are there any circumstances or contexts in which your outcome is not appropriate?
Will achieving this outcome produce results that you or others do not want?
How will others be behaving around you if you get this outcome?
Testable, Specific and contextualized
Ask yourself – How will you know when you have achieved your outcome?
Identify when and how the desired state is wanted.
I want to exercise everyday for the next month to live a healthier life by losing 3 kg

A useful Program for change is one that seeks out the opportunity in your current experience and chooses to let it inspire proactive thoughts, words and actions that lead to desirable outcomes.

So forget about what you don’t want and remain focused on the results that you do want.

Knowing what you want is only the first step in achieving what you want!

“you never know how far a change can go” No matter what you think you are, you are always more than that!

* It is very important to know that results may vary from person to person. – Legal Disclaimer

Hypnosis April 14, 2016 By Bennie Louw 0 Comments

Celebrities

Do you know what these people have in common?

Orlando Bloom, Britney Spears, Ellen Degeneres, Ashton Kutscher, Charlize Theron, Ben Affleck, Lily Allen, Sophie Dahl, Geri Halliwell, Chuck Clausen, Sarah Ferguson, Kevin Kostner, Winona Ryder, Tiger Woods, Queen Fabiola and many more

Yes you guessed it Hypnosis

That’s right! They know it…more celebrities are using Hypnosis every day.

It seems that since Matt Damon went on national TV and told Jay Leno that using hypnosis was the greatest decision I ever made in my life? everyone in Hollywood is now trying hypnosis.

Due to the significant and permanent advantages of hypnotherapy, it has already gained huge popularity amongst celebrities?and no wonder that celebrities visit their hypnotherapists for a variety of reasons.

These reasons can range from gaining a sporting edge, give up smoking, overcome a phobia or to lose weight etc. Hypnotherapy is now more popular than ever with athletes, movie stars, TV actors, musicians etc and celebrities from all fields have been known to choose hypnosis.

Orlando Bloom was so hooked on chocolate as a child, his mother called in a hypnotist to help him shape up.

Celebrities that quit smoking through hypnosis are: Barry Moore, Billy Joel, Drew Barrymore, Britney Spears, Ellen Degeneres, Ashton Kutscher, Charlize Theron and Ben Affleck

Celebrities who have used hypnosis to lose weight are: Lily Allen, Sophie Dahl, Geri Halliwell and Chuck Clausen

Championship golfer Jack Niklaus lauded hypnotherapy and visualization techniques as the sole reason for his improved concentration.

Sarah Ferguson (Fergie) used hypnosis to stop biting her fingernails and for weight loss.

Kevin Kostner flew his personal hypnotist to Hawaii to cure him of sea sickness while filming “Water World”.

I finally decided to quit smoking when I found out I was going to have a child. That was the thing that sort of put it over the top for me. I decided to go to a hypnotist. “All of a sudden, I thought, ‘This is asinine that I’ve been doing this to myself for all these years.’ My last cigarette was on November 10th, 2005, and I feel a huge difference in my health now that I don’t smoke. I feel like I’m in better shape than I was five years ago.
-Ben Affleck to Oprah

Tiger Woods (golf pro): Has famously used hypnosis ever since he was a child. He used a mixture of hypnosis, nlp, and visualization to help him to focus and improve his concentration and get into the zone as one of the highest paid sports stars and most successful golfers ever.

Even Queen Fabiola from Belgium underwent thyroid surgery in the university hospital of Lige. She did not have a general anesthetic; instead she was sedated by hypnosis.

Oprah’s “O magazine” published the benefits of using hypnosis for weight loss and many other like Good Housekeeping, Reader’s Digest, Sports Illustrated, Red Book, Psychology Today, Ladies Home Journal continue to publish the benefits of utilizing hypnosis for personal change.

Life Coaching with NLP & Hypnotherapy is successful in a vast range of areas including:

Anxieties & Fears , Addictions & Compulsions, Career Development, Creative Thinking, Divorce Support, Gaining Dating Confidence, Motivation, Gaining more self-confidence, Self Esteem, Public Speaking, Inner Conflict, Interview Anxiety, Phobia, Pain Relief, Body Image, Weight Management, Stop Smoking, Sport Performance, Procrastination, Depression, Relationships, Sexual problems, Sleep Issues, Study and exam success and many more.

Schedule your Hypnotherapy or Coaching session and start making the changes you deserve. Contact Bennie Louw on 082 729 8899 or send SMS or e-mail bennie@metaphore.co.za and I will contact you.

you never know how far a change can go?
No matter what you think you are, you are always more than that!

* It is very important to know that results may vary from person to person. – Legal Disclaimer

Weight Loss March 31, 2016 By Bennie Louw 0 Comments

Weight Loss

Can Hypnosis help you lose weight?

Listen to my voice and look into my eyes?..

To lose weight is simple ? Eat less and exercise more”?… really that simple? If that was true I could fly to the moon. So why is it not that simple? Often, it’s because there’s loads of baggage in our subconscious that’s weighing us down. There’s no denying it: trying to lose weight can be a long and challenging journey. If you’ve ever tried and failed to lose weight before then you probably know just how frustrating it can be.

Reasons why you should consider Hypnosis.

Having problems with your weight? Tried every conceivable diet and yet you are always on some form of diet? Have you read everything there is to read on the subject? Starved yourself, just to put everything back and then some more? YES
Do you ever wonder why all this effort has not made a difference?
Hypnosis is a tool that gives you access to the subconscious mind, allowing you to make changes from within. Let the power of your subconscious mind guide you.
Hypnosis can also help you focus on what you need to achieve for weight-loss and keep you motivated for success. To make the appropriate changes you need to have a reason and be motivated to change your limiting beliefs. That’s right. To believe that change is possible involves you overcoming the obstacles of our own thoughts.
The question is more why you eat than what en when you eat. While diets and nutrition plans focus on what you put in your mouth and how often. Hypnosis changes how you feel about what you eat. With hypnosis you can identify the reasons and emotions why you eat. People will eat when they’re sad, lonely, bored or angry – and then they’ll feel guilty and beat themselves up afterwards, creating a downward spiral. No amount of emotional eating will help repair yourself.
While many people succeed in losing weight in the short term, they often have trouble keeping it off and that’s where hypnotherapy can lead to success.

“Studies relating to obesity and weight loss concluded that the addition of hypnosis substantially enhanced treatment outcomes. Patients who underwent hypnosis continued to lose weight, even after the treatment had ended”.
When you can change the way you think about weight loss, you can gain so much more. It’s not about losing weight or about getting rid of something we no longer need, it is more about moving toward what you truly want.
Hypnosis can also help you to change your thinking patterns and gain control over cravings in a beneficial way
With the help of hypnotic suggestions you can develop a new, positive relationship with food and exercise.

Knowing this can be helpful to understand that you can reduce weight and keep it off.

It is a process.

Bennie Louw
BA.Hons(Univ of Stell), Certified Hypnotherapist,? NLP, HNLP Practitioner/Coach and Certified Parts Therapy Facilitator.
Tel: +27 82 729 8899 E-mail: bennie@metaphore.co.za

you never know how far a change can go?
No matter what you think you are, you are always more than that!